Are You a Team Player or a People Pleaser?
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There is one big difference between being a TEAM PLAYER and its burnout-provoking cousin, a PEOPLE PLEASER.
Team players actively set boundaries when they help others - they consider their needs and capacity before responding yes to a request. People pleasers don’t.
People pleasers have a hard time saying no to others, and are usually overworked and stressed from being overcommitted.
They may experience fear of rejection and disappointing others, have low self-esteem, and difficulty making independent decisions. They frequently self-sacrifice to put others before them. This can often feel good in the moment of saying yes, but it can be detrimental in the long run.
It benefits both individual educators and staff cultures as a whole to discourage people pleasing tendencies by encouraging healthy, reasonable boundaries.
Below, learn 3 negative consequences of people pleasing, and how you can get back to being a team player instead.
And don’t forget to register for our upcoming webinar, “6 Healing Mindset Strategies for Educators”, to learn daily mindset habits that can prevent burnout. Register here.
Are You a Team Player or a People Pleaser?
These ideas come from our resource “Recovery from People Pleasing”, found in our Membership Library. Learn more about getting access to our library here.
I.
Getting Taken Advantage Of
People Pleaser - Once others become used to the people pleaser saying yes to most things, they may continue to ask for more and bigger favors from them. They may even try to manipulate the people pleaser into doing more for them. Do you notice people often turning to you for help, even for things they should be able to do on their own?
Team Player - Start setting boundaries around what you can and can’t do, and what you will and will not accept. Others may be disappointed, and you may feel guilty at first, but it is your duty to protect your time and energy so you can keep joyfully serving your students for years to come.
Organizations can help by making sure a teacher answers yes only if they have the capacity to do so. Say, “Take a few minutes to consider your schedule, and then let me know if you can take this on.”
II.
Feelings of Resentment
People Pleaser - When you feel taken advantage of, it’s only natural that feelings of resentment arise. Suppressed anger not only feels bad for the individual, but it can also turn into passive aggression, which impacts staff morale.
Team Player - Acknowledge when you feel resentment without judgement. Start to view feelings of resentment as an open invitation to set a boundary with a person or part of work.
Organizations can be open when a teacher attempts to set a boundary, either by accepting their limits or by compromising with the teacher to find something that benefits both parties.
III.
Reduced Ability to Enjoy Time in the Classroom
People Pleaser - Excessive people pleasing can cause increased stress levels, which leads to reduced enjoyment of everyday moments. Having an overpacked schedule can also lead to constantly thinking about the next thing you need to do, which makes it harder to enjoy your present activity.
Team Player - By setting boundaries with what you say yes to, you can free up your schedule to really enjoy your work again.
Organizations and leadership can be very selective with extra asks of their educators, knowing that any extras will take away from being present and joyful in the classroom. Ask: Will the payoff of this extra task be worth the time we’re asking of our teachers?
2 Quotes from Others
I.
“You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm” - Unknown.
II.
“I can’t tell you the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.” - Ed Sheeran
1 Question For You
Do you tend to be a team player (helps others when they can) or a people pleaser (helps others without setting any boundaries)?
Make sure to share this week’s 3-2-1 with an educator you care about :)
Until next week,
Emily Hemmingson
Health Coach for Teachers
Founder of The Teacher Wellness Center
Access Our Entire Library of Burnout Prevention Resources
Today’s post was based on the resource, “Recovery from People Pleasing”. Use our member resources and archived webinars to build up your toolbox of stress management strategies, boundary-setting skills, and resilient mindset techniques.
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