A Self-Compassion Exercise to Overcome Teacher Guilt
'Teacher guilt' is a common term that refers to teachers feeling like (or told that) they're not doing enough for their students whenever they're taking a break from their work.
If you struggle with feelings of guilt when you are resting, spending time with friends, or doing a non-work activity you enjoy, I want you to know you are not alone.
But you also shouldn’t have to feel that way.
Below, you will find an exercise called the “Providing Self-Compassion Break”. This is a mindset exercise that you can use to alleviate feelings of guilt when you are providing for your needs. This exercise is slightly adapted from Kristin Neff’s original version, found in her book, Fierce Self-Compassion.
Give this exercise a try and let me know what you think in the comments below!
Providing Self-Compassion Break (Exercise)
The next time guilt is getting in the way of enjoying your personal time, pause. Sit up straight so your body is alert. Next, say (out loud or silently to yourself) this series of phrases designed to bring in the three components of self-compassion to help you take action to meet your needs and provide for yourself.
I.
“This is what I need to feel authentic and whole.” Mindfulness, the first component of self-compassion, requires acknowledging the things that make you come alive, and then give yourself permission to do more of it. One way I would describe my personal experience with burnout is that I didn’t feel like myself anymore. It is this mindfulness that really got me in touch with the fact that I need to make time for music, family and adventure (to name a few things) to truly feel connected and whole. By allowing activities in my day that made me feel connected to my authentic self, I was better able to show up as the present, joyful teacher my students deserved. If the above phrase doesn’t resonate, you can also try:
“My true self needs this to be happy.”
“My needs matter just as much as my students’ needs matter.”
“All humans have important needs."
“Including this in my life is really important to me.”
II.
“I cannot care for others unless I am balancing care for myself.” The second component of self-compassion is about recognizing our common humanity. I used to feel guilty about taking time for my needs because I told myself it was selfish. Self-compassion changes that perspective. This second phrase is a reminder that ALL humans need the same levels of care. It IS NOT “I am taking care of me instead of you”. It IS “I’m taking care of me, too”. We must balance out care for ourselves if we are to continue doing our good work. If the above phrase doesn’t resonate, you can also try:
“I will honor my needs as well as the needs of my students.”
“Life involves receiving as well as giving.”
“May I include myself in the circle of care.”
“I cannot pour from an empty cup.”
“One for you, one for me.”
III.
“I deserve the things in life that make me happy”. What are the parts of teaching and life that truly fulfill you? When we are kind to ourselves, we’ll do what it takes to incorporate more of the things that make us happy. After years practicing, self-compassion is still a tool I consciously pull out of my back pocket when I feel guilty to remind myself that sometimes the kindest thing I can do for myself and the people around me is to make time for the things that bring me joy. If the above phrase doesn’t resonate, you can also try:
“I will commit to fulfilling my needs as best I can.”
“I will do what’s necessary to be happy and well.”
“Today, I will do my best to take care of myself and my needs.”
“What do I need in this very moment to feel cared for?”
The last step is to put a hand over your heart and take three deep breaths. Can you take action to feel more fulfilled while also realizing you are whole and complete exactly as you are?
Balancing our needs with the needs of others is always tricky and a bit messy, especially during a busy school year. But I hope this activity can help you release guilt and include more of the things that light you up and make you feel whole this week.
2 Quotes from Others
I.
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and go do it. What the world needs is more people who have come alive.” - Howard Thurman
II.
“The worst guilt is to accept an unearned guilt.” - Ayn Rand
1 Question For You
Which of the phrases above will you use the next time teacher guilt is raining on your parade? (Let us know in the comments below!)
Make sure to share this week’s 3-2-1 with an educator you care about :)
Until next week,
Emily Hemmingson
Health Coach for Teachers
Founder of The Teacher Wellness Center
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