Why You May be Struggling with Boundaries
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Boundaries - You know they’re important, but you don’t know where to start.
Or maybe you have tried to set boundaries in the past, but they never stuck for long or other people didn’t respect them.
Today, I want to address 3 very common reasons why you may be struggling with setting boundaries.
If you relate to these, no worries. You are not alone, and there are simple fixes to each of them.
DON’T FORGET THAT NEXT MONDAY I am sharing exactly how to get clear on what boundaries you need and how to communicate them for a healthier school year. Join us for the virtual workshop, “Set Healthy School Year Boundaries” here.
Without further ado, here are 3 reasons why you may struggle with boundaries, 2 quotes about this topic, and 1 question for you to consider this week.
3 Reasons Why You May Struggle with Boundaries
I.
You assume the role of victim. The first step to setting boundaries is recognizing that you have the power to set them when you are overwhelmed or exhausted. Chronic stress is not normal or a necessary evil for you in this lifetime, my friend. It is not and should not be an inevitable part of being a teacher. When you recognize stress and overwhelm as the first sign you need boundaries, that’s the first step to setting them successfully.
II.
You speak in uncertain terms. In other words, you aren’t clear on what your boundary is yourself, so you can’t clearly express it to someone else. Saying to your team leader “I want to make sure there isn’t too much on my plate this school year” is unclear. Clarity sounds like, “I’m able to complete and share 3-5 reading plans a week for our team. After that, please reach out to another team member.” Get clear on where you need limits FIRST, so that you can effectively communicate that to the people around you.
III.
You are trying to please everyone. If you feel the need to apologize while setting boundaries, it’s a sign you care more about pleasing other people than keeping yourself well. Prioritizing everyone else’s needs above your own never goes well simply because it’s impossible to please everyone. The paradox here is that the more you protect your time and energy, the more you are able to give to others. Plus, what really pleases people is clarity. If you clearly say no, it causes a lot less conflict than when you say “maybe”. Or worse, when you say “yes”, but you don’t really mean it and can’t come through.
2 Quotes from Others
I.
“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” - Lao Tzu
II.
“People don’t know what you want. It’s your job to make it clear. Clarity saves relationships.” - Nedra Glover Tawwab, author of Set Boundaries, Find Peace
1 Question For You
What do you think is your biggest obstacle when it comes to setting healthy boundaries?
Make sure to share this week’s 3-2-1 with a teacher you care about :)
Until next week,
Emily Hemmingson
Health Coach for Teachers
Learn How to Set Effective Boundaries for a Burnout-Free School Year
NEXT MONDAY (July 26th) at 7:30pm EST, join us for our virtual workshop, “Set Healthy School Year Boundaries”.
Registration is limited! Make sure to join us soon.
In this 1-hour workshop, you will learn:
Signs you or your school community need healthier boundaries, and why you don't already have them.
How to successfully communicate boundaries for a healthier school year.
My top boundary recommendations for teachers and school communities and how to implement them
Come away with a plan for 3 strategic boundaries you would like to set in the school year to come.
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