3 Ways to Set Boundaries that AREN’T Saying No
A common misconception with boundaries is that a boundary means saying no.
Saying no is just one type of boundary, and it is actually the most rigid type (sometimes def necessary, but sometimes it may be healthier to try more nuanced boundaries, like the ones below, first).
Check out 3 other ways you can try setting boundaries in the school year to come.
3 Ways to Set Boundaries that AREN’T Saying No.
I.
Set limits
A limit is when you feel comfortable saying yes to something, but only if it is to a lesser extent than the original request. Most of the time this looks like setting time limits on things. Maybe you only feel comfortable saying you’ll do aftercare on Thursdays instead of every day of the week. Maybe you feel comfortable covering another teacher’s recess, but only as long as it’s clear it’s a one-time thing. Maybe you are okay discussing school and students with a coworker during your planning periods, but not during happy hour. Ask yourself, “Would I feel comfortable with this [situation, behavior, request] if it’s to a lesser extent than what is currently being requested of me?” (And if the answer is no, THAT’S when you say no, or look at setting conditions.)
II.
Set conditions
A condition is when you are only okay with saying yes to something if a component of it is modified. Maybe you are okay leading an after school club, but only if you co-lead with another teacher. Maybe you are comfortable with your students laughing at you, but only if you told a purposeful joke first. Maybe you feel safe taking your class outside to recess on your own, but only if a particularly disruptive student isn’t present. Ask yourself, “Are there any conditions that would help me feel safe and supported in this situation?” (If the answer is no, THAT’S when you say no.)
III.
Clearly ask for what you need
Sometimes you can feel resentful or overwhelmed because a need of yours is not being met by someone else. In this situation, saying no wouldn’t be a solution. Instead, you need to reflect and think of specifically what you NEED to feel safe in your interactions. Maybe you need to tell your teammate that they need to pull their weight in lesson planning. Maybe you need to tell a parent that they need to prioritize picking their child up on time, because you are not willing to stay late after school without fair compensation. Maybe you need to tell a student to speak to you in a calm voice, or you will not engage in the conversation. Ask: What do I need from this person so that I feel comfortable, safe, and supported in our interactions?
Let us know in the comments below: How can you start incorporating limits, conditions, and stating your needs when setting boundaries in the year to come?
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